Wednesday 12th of May

I’m on my way to the airport. I can’t stop thinking of Paul this morning. I wish he was here with me....Today I’m flying
to San Francisco and once again I am feeling excited, curious and emotional. What will this festival be like? Will they
love us? Where is Santa Cruz? It is far, so far away...

Ready to board, I send a quick text message to Paul. - he’s at the airport on his way to Cannes...”We are all on the
road for DEP” I text, hoping for great emotions and good news...

Plane, belt, pills, take off.

12 hours later I’m in a car. Isabelle picked me up. She’s been working with the Festival for 4 years and tells me all about it. 1 hour 30 later, here we are in Santa Cruz.... So pure, so beautiful - blue sky, sea, surfers, the city is really cool with a hippy spirit.

Straight to the Hub Center, I meet Julian - the director of the festival. People are so happy that one of us made the journey... It’s a good start. Next Veggie Burger, screening and a party which is really relaxed and so easy to talk to everyone.

I’m dead tired need to sleep.....

Thursday 13th of May

Today is the big day. At 9 pm “Do Elephants Pray?” will screen. I’m kind of nervous.

I decide to spend a day out, see the beauty around spend 4 hours on a bike, see sealions, seals, have fish and chips.
Wouah! I feel so blessed to be here, lively ....and ready for tonight.

7pm
Santa Cruz is a very small town, and people have a quiet life here. A screening at 9pm is really late for them... I’m stressed. Will we have any audience at all? I arrived only the day before. I didn’t get a chance to really promote the film... We’ll see.

8pm
The film before us is packed...it’s a political engaged documentary about how it became forbidden for gays to get married in California... Apparently, after the film they will have a big party... Just while DEP is screening... Aaargh!!!

8.30pm
I’m having dinner with Beth and Julian (heads of the festival)...tic toc tic toc.... time is flying by....

9pm
Let’s go!

My heart is beating fast and strong... Good surprise - the theatre is not empty, even better, people are running to get in
on time...we have 140 people out of 230... It’s not full but you can feel that all the people really want to be here. I hear
bites of conversations;
"I really want to see this film"
"I’m so excited..."
Julian introduces me quickly. I thank everybody for being there and of course I speak about Paul and Jonnie and how they made the film possible....

Darkness.

The film doesn’t start. There is a technical problem. Then we have the image but not the sound, then they cut the film and swap it with the DVD version. Another problem! The time code is on the top of the image and the sound is repeating itself. They stop it again.

I’m diving into my seat...is this a nightmare???!!!

Everybody is shouting;
"Come on!"
“Play it again!"
“Come on!”
They want to watch our film but they can’t... Should I laugh or cry or even kill someone?

I hesitate...

After 10 long minutes the film starts again, they sort out the image size, the sound and the timecode....

I exhale!!!

11.45pm
It was a beautiful, beautiful screening and very different from the one in Los Angeles . They were so in sync with the story... They laughed from the very first lines between Callum and Malika;
"You know smoking will kill you”
“Yeah but not smoking will kill me now!"
They didn’t react the same way to the office scenes. They were definitely more touched and moved by the forest scenes... They were in love with Callum and Malika, reacting to the subtle emotions and lines....

Wouah! I feel so good... I’m not afraid nor stressed nor self conscious anymore. For the first time in public I could embrace the beauty of our film, of our work – freely and simply. The work is finished now...

I felt like a 5 year old going on stage for the Q and A. They applaud warmly... 30 minutes of non stop questions... They couldn’t believe how tough the shooting was... I had great stories for them; Paul’s mushroom panic attack, the lake, Axle in the hospital, the van stuck in the mud, the rain....

Wouah! I realised sharing those epic stories made me fall more and more in love with the film, our adventure - that led me here to Santa Cruz tonight.... It’s the end of the journey.

On my way out people stopped me, crying and saying that “it is so rare to see such a beautiful powerful story.” I think of Paul... “Paul, thank you for giving me a chance to share all the emotions the film provokes.”

I then made a quick stop at the bar but I wasn’t in the mood. I am still dreaming and re-dreaming of the screening...

Friday 14th of May
Before going to bed last night I tried to call Paul... His phone was off. After hanging up, I quickly fell into a deep sleep.

When I awoke, the first thing I did was to call Paul and share the experience with him... He asked me if we have a chance for the audience award.
I reply “Although people loved the film, I’m afraid they were not enough to vote, compared to the daytime screenings that were packed...” I share my doubts....

Later, I have a photo shoot organised with the festival's photographer... It is on the beach - pure luxury. I spend most of my day watching films and meeting film-makers. I hang out at night, eating pizza and resting...

I am so tired now because of speaking all day!!!

Saturday 15th of May
I woke up early this morning. Still sleepy, I ran into Julian at breakfast ...I’m nervous tonight about the awards ...Let’s try to test Julian a bit to see his reaction... I try to speak about the awards ceremony, but although polite he is pretty cold... I try to check the exact time of the ceremony but he doesn’t really answer... Is he uncomfortable because he knows we won’t win anything? He doesn’t even tell me the time or any details! I’m afraid it’s because he doesn’t want me to attend... When I speak of the jury I learn they’re not in Santa Cruz. Some are in L.A, some NY, some Australia and others from all over. They are film critics, ex-winners, and various others... They watch the film on DVD at their homes and without any conversation with other Jury members, they email in their votes...

That means that I haven’t met any of them nor had the chance to convince them with my sexy French accent... Damn!!! The only positive thing that I learn is that our film is Julian’s favourite. But he’s not voting!!!

I head back in my room to speak with Paul... He asks me about my feeling going into the awards. I don’t dare say but I think that the audience award is not realistic and the jury award is a totally unknown quantity. Also Julian didn’t seem especially excited nor insist on me being on time or at the right spot. Hummm - and after 3 consecutive awards, maybe we won't be lucky this time!

All we can do is trust the film.

9 pm
I’m all dressed and ready but my head is empty. I don’t know what to think... except… as Malika says “Enjoy and live the moment...”

11pm
We were all in the big theatre. The ceremony started... I couldn’t sit down, I needed to stand up at the back. With me were the young directors, waiting and hoping for an award just like me... The first award; the Grand Jury Prize award; Best narrative feature... Nominees... and then; “The winner is Do Elephants Pray?” (!!!!!!!!)

My heart exploded with joy!!!! I couldn’t believe it... I doubted so much!!!!

All is a blur... I see myself running to the stage... I AM SO UTTERLY HAPPY!!! No words can express my feelings... I speak, speak, speak, thanks, thanks, thanks and all I think of is the joy Paul and Jonnie will have when I break the news!!!!

The Award is beautiful and green like a piece of kryptonite - heavy and perfect.

I rushed out of the room... Paul’s phone was off... I didn’t want to leave a message... It was 6am in France....
I wanted to kill him, I needed to share the news, I am so happy, crazy and excited!!!

I tried Jonnie... He answered in a deep sleepy voice... I tell him...Wouah! I feel his happiness through the
phone... After a few minutes, I receive a text message from Paul. He’s up... I try to control myself but my voice
is so loud....”WE WON! WE WON THE GRAND JURY PRIZE FOR BEST NARRATIVE FILM!!!”

We speak more. We smile and cry together...Thanks to life, to Paul, to Jonnie, thanks Malika and special
thanks to Santa Cruz - what an evening!!!

12.30am
So many unexpected and incredible moments tonight!!!! I’m leaving tomorrow morning and I know that in
the plane, all will seem as if it was a dream... Now I am soooo happy and truly contented...

Sunday 16th of May
Take off, belt, pills...Yes such a beautiful dream… Bye for now…

Julie Dray,
May 2010