Day 14 Wednesday October 10th ...

Earlier we shot a simple scene of Malika and Callum navigating through the wood with a barbed wire fence dressed in. It started to rain in the scene and we incorporated it, Malika dancing in it and Callum complaining about he could be back in England to get the rain and that he stupidly didn't put the roof up on the car.
 
Julie, amazingly, brilliantly, inspirationally came up with the idea to leave the red jumper featured so heavily so far snared on the barbed wire. It is like the forest is slowly stripping her back to a natural state! Jonnie told me "It was a nothing scene in the script". It was. But I love those scenes. They are the space that I try to fill with the magic of the music of chance.
 
Last night Jonnie was talking at dinner about how nice it is that we are working chronologically how he doesn't prepare ahead of the day as things that happen on one day effect things shot later the same day. He genuinely doesn't know what will happen next, what Julie will do and what I will spring upon them. He certainly doesn't know how it will end. The funny thing is I don't really know either! Although the closer we get, the more of an idea I have. The similarities with Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now are prevalent in my mind.
 
12.42pm
 
The wide shot of the hanging scene was fantastic. The first wide shots were amazing. The timings were sublime. Julie improvised a re-entry into frame taking a picture of Callum with the line "Remember!"
 
It was a perfect scene.
 
5.35pm
 
We are now prepping for a shot where Callum and Malika walk through the trees in a beautiful wide shot. Cristina has just come up to me and asked for a full meeting of the entire crew tonight. Why I don't know know. I suspect it is about creature comforts and having a generator at all times to power the hairdryer. This is something Williams promised her. It has hit me hard at the base of my back. I am in the middle of nowhere in a forest and now I am stressed. The nature is beautiful. The light in the forest is magical. But I am now deeply unhappy and affected.

5.41pm
 
Rhys has just come to me to say that Julia is crying her eyes out because Cristina was horrible to her. All it seems for a damn hairdryer etc. We haven't been able to hump the generator deep into the woods. Rhys has just told me this incident has sparked off a small mutiny.
 
I am absolutely gtted. I don't even feel like shooting the next scene which should be a wonderful beautiful improvisation. I feel like calling a wrap and ending it for the day.
 
7.15pm
 
We are wrapping now. I shot the improvisation but not the other small scene we are scheduled to shoot. I don't feel it is my fault though. I had the stuffing knocked out of me earlier. Maybe I'm too sensitive though!
 
Anyway, I talked with Cristina before we shot the scene. It appears that I misread the situation and assumed too much. Cristina wasn't worried about the hairdryer or creature comforts. It was not even her that wanted the full cast and crew meeting. It is Julie who wants it. She had complained to Cristina and she came to me.
 
Of course, she should have known better not to come to me in the middle of setting up a scene, in the middle of a shooting day. She cried again. I nearly did too. It's the second time in 3 days that I have misunderstood something she has told me and assumed one thing rather than another based on misinformation. It's the language barrier of course, the right or wrong choice of words. She also explained "People don't come to you. They are afraid of you."
"You're not I replied"
She nodded.
 
The scene we shot was lovely. The improvisations were fantastic. The third and final take was pure magic. Roger whispered to me afterwards "I almost cried". I felt it too, the power. Afterwards I hugged Julie and Jonnie. We are working well together. I just hope we can sort things out tonight. The meeting will take place in the restaurant after dinner.
 
12.37am
 
Just back from the restaurant. During desert we started the production meeting. The main topic of discussion was the generator. It seems we are allowed to take it into the forest so it's just a matter of buying a trailer so it can be transported and finding someone (we are short of people) to be with it. The worst problem for Make-up is the resetting of hair between takes when she dives in the water. That's a huge reset and thus completely understandable the need for a hairdryer.
 
I am desperate to do a new schedule but am just too tired now. I am also too tired to take the shower I so need. I have to rejig things to make up for scene not shot today. The extra scene I dreamed up today where the Soldier finds Malika's jumper. To accomodate steadicam and people's days off and now to add prep in deep forest to get the generator there.
 
The real problem is not with Cristina as I originally thought but with Julie. Not that it is a real problem either. Just an imaginary one in some ways. Julie thinks that no-one and more importantly myself either, actually cares about taking care of her. She told everyone else about those concerns BUT not me and I myopically didn't see them. I was too worried about constructing the magic and telling the story. I looked at Julie and saw the amazing, self sufficient Malika she is playing. I was blind to the fragility of Julie. The fragility of all creative people when exposing themselves utterly. Indeed I share that fragility. Today being a case in point.
 
As the meeting was ending, Julie turned to me and said "I am willing to give everything for this movie but I don't think you care about me, that you love me." To my embarrassment, the whole crew were still seated around. Luckily they tactfully trooped out quietly leaving me and her alone in the restaurant. We talked further, She got angry and upset. So did I. Her eyes bled tears and she said "My towel was not there. There was nothing to warm me."
I replied "Is it my job to bring the towel? If you ask me I will order it. But should it be me who will physically bring it to you?"
She replied "I didn't think you cared."
I countered "Your towel didn't arrive today? My 'towel' doesn't arrive every day. In fact ten times a day! Do you know what I have to go through each day, what I have to endure?"
She cried. I embraced her. For a long long time she sobbed in my arms and I felt her pain.
 
I have had immense problems of failed organisation on this film. Grip gear not arriving on time. DAT machines not working. Batteries being the wrong types. Things going down for various reasons. In the first 3 days I must have had 5-10 problems every day. What did I do? I worked around it, keeping the problems to myself and certainly away from the cast.
 
The real underlying problem, I discovered, is reciprocal. She also did not want to bother me with her problems and told everyone else what she needed and nothing happened. Bizarrely, if she had come to me directly with her needs and concerns I would have done something about it immediately. Her concerns are my concerns. It is my responsibility to take care of her. I have done that emotionally but have trusted the practical side (off camera) to Production. Unfortunately they have not delivered due to lack of resources.
 
In the end I think things are resolved now. I am always utterly supportive of my cast. You will be hard pressed to find an actor who can't say "Paul was there for me." That's what I'm like. That's my conviction. I am well known as "An actors director." On shoots sometimes even, Roger tells me I go too far protecting them!
 
Anyway, I will endeavour to give Julie everything she needs. Hopefully now she will be more honest with me about her concerns and indeed trusting of me to take care of her in all ways, not just on set in front of the camera. I do care for her. I do feel the responsibility. She is my actress. I am her director. I am there for her utterly. At the end I said "If you want to call me at 3am then call me. You would not be the first who has done that. It's my job. For you who are so great an actress, so wonderful a person and so generous with what you give to the film it would even be a pleasure. I am there for you. Please believe me."
 
I think things are fine now. They are for me. Now I know what the true problem is, I can solve it. For an egoist the unknown, out of your control is far worse than the known that you can control - maybe!
 
Anyway, back to my personal problems. It seems the hard drive I ordered on day one of the shoot has still not actually arrived and that is the reason that I have not got sync rushes. They have not even been digitised, talk about synced up. Ridiculous. I just got a text from Caroline, the editor. It's not her fault. Something else that has slipped through the fingers of the meagre resources of Production on this film.
 
1.21am
 
Enough. I've got to redo the schedule early tomorrow. I go to bed having still not read one word of the book beside my bed. Not one word in weeks. Too tired.