Do

 9.50am

My search for real coffee has led me to a little cafe/shop opposite the camping site. It is filled with locals. We need to make today. Things are now desperate, we have to make the ferry. It is do or die!

That reminds me of what Max Steady, our steadicam Op was saying last night. Because of problems and delays yesterday I wasn't able to shoot a frame with him. A total waste. I felt guilty for not making the most of him really. He was still in good spirits though. We really bonded despite my utter exhaustion. He said "Remember when you talked me through the two minute 30 seconds shot and you asked me how's that. I said difficult. But that's how I like it. We are similar me and you. We like it difficult."

All I could do was agree with him. It's about the art. If it's been done before or is easy to achieve then why do it? I feel I will work with Max more. I promised to text him after seeing the rushes.

After we talked he turned to Pete's documentary camera and said pointing to me "This guy is fucking special! The special one!" Quite embarrassing but very heart warming also!!

Post lake recovery A cold lake Car filled with escaping gas The end of the France shoot

11.59pm

On the ferry now. We got it. Scene 120 was a dream. Malika dragging Callum to the lake was amazing. When we did the shot of her pushing him in I waited five seconds then dived in to get him out. His hands and feet had been tied. We got him out easily enough. Everyone pitched in and he warmed up fine.

Julie was in tears after the scene. The last few days have been so emotional. She even called me later to chat and said she had cried the whole two hours back to Paris. Jonnie and I were very calm today but she was stressed. We had both had a good night's sleep and knew in our hearts that everything would be fine today. When I first got to set today, I had a strange feeling, I was possessed with a warm buzzing feeling. The night before Jonnie had a dreamt about swimming in honey. The perfect dream to have before diving into a freezing cold lake.

At the lake this morning I prayed for the lake to protect us. The throbbing pain in my neck and back abated. The rest of the day I was totally tranquil. A total contrast with the day before. The shooting went perfectly to schedule. We completed120 and 1B.

It occurred to me at one point the meaning of the scene for me personally. In the film, it is about Callum's death and rebirth. For Jonnie it marks the transition from boyhood to manhood. A pivotal moment in everyone's life where they gain the mantle of responsibility for their actions and lose the immortality of youth. For me the true significance only dawned half way through shooting scene 120.

When I was a teenager growing up in Stevenage, despite an avid love of cinema as a cinephile I had not made the leap to deciding to be a film-maker. One night after my mother had attempted suicide I roamed the streets of Stevenage in a complete blur. I arrived at a large artificial lake near to where I lived. On the path was a fish, a dead fish that I tried to relaunch into the lake to no avail.

I sat and thought. In that moment I decided that instead of going to university to study geography or geology, that I would attempt to become a film-maker, something I had done before in an amateur way. Since then, it has been a hell of a struggle. Apart from seventeen short films and various other assignments etc. I have only made three films. This one is my fourth. In fifteen years just four films. All that time I have never given up despite the constant struggle. I have always 'believed'.

In my first film, "The Frontline", James King, after rekindling things with his ex-girlfriend, sits by a large underground canal and contemplates his life reciting poetry.

In "Boston Kickout", Phil sits by the same artificial lake that I sat by in real life also contemplating his life before deciding to go to Ireland to see Shona and then embark on a photography course rather than geology.

Andrei in "The Poet" sits by the banks of the river Donau as his life implodes. That is where he decides to make a break for it with Paula. A decision that changes his life and eventually leads to his death materially but his nirvana spiritually.

In "Do Elephants Pray?" Callum doesn't just sit and consider, he is killed only to be reborn.

The true to life legend of the lake of no return is that everyone who visits it is in some way changed. I wasn't expecting any specific change - not at all - but today while shooting the scene it dawned on me what it meant to me. By the mystical law of magical transference his rebirth meant my rebirth! Not as a man but as a film-maker. A cinematic rebirth.

It struck my like a ray of light. I felt the glow of understanding.

After everyone left the lake, I lit a candle by its shore, thanked it for it's help and humped my standard two battery packs out. As I walked to the village of Trehorentuec the sun was hanging low to my left over the wheat fields. It's colour was a bright bright glowing golden yellow. One of the most beautiful suns I have ever seen. Hanging diametrically opposite to my right was her sister, the moon as if on a wire hanging right over the forest. It was a beautiful pale blue colour. I was standing right between the two. Right at the apex of their energies.

The significance of the moment struck me again and I cried like a baby. I cried and was grateful for the incredible gift I have been given. The ability to make films. The talent to make them well. The fact that people believe in me.

I love being a film-maker. I love it. There is nothing else I would do. There is nothing else I could do. It is my calling. I am so grateful for the chance to do it.

The thing I have learned today is that somehow it won't be as hard anymore, as hard as it has been. I am changed because I know that now. I didn't know before today. I didn't have a clue. I am so grateful to Jonnie for handing me the script of this film.

12.57am

On the way to the ferry I had to recast the part of Jode because of availabilities of actors and locations. I am now raring to go to shoot the third part of the shoot, the second London shoot. I can't wait. Everyone here is elated. They are relieved to have finished the shoot, to be getting back to good old blighty. Julia, Matt and Cristina are smiling at me now. Julia is also dancing to "Saturday night at the movies". She still wears the comic but rather cute hat she has worn for the last two weeks.

Not that getting here was easy. Before we left the forest, a butane gas canister leaked in Jonnie's car. For a few moments I thought as we drove through the night with the roof down and "The Italian Job" and The Clash playing that we might explode in flames. We didn't. Scene 120 and 1B were great. 1B I had shot listed in Marrakech about 2 months ago now. It came together exactly as I had conceived. It's so exquisitely gratifying when that happens.

Anyway, now for a quick poker tournament, "The English Channel Open (!)" before we all get some shut eye. The ferry docks at 7am.

2.41am

Jonnie won the tournament. I'm now doing another schedule. The fifteenth so far. It's really hard putting all the elements together but I think I've got a solution.

7.20am

Back in England. Three weeks almost to the minute from when we departed. Good to be back.

T

ELEPHAN

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